Well, this post has been 10 long years in the making. Ten years ago, in December 2006, just before my 21st birthday, I had my first abdominal surgery. I had symptoms of an autoimmune disease - I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis in the last six months. I lost twenty pounds, and my doctors started to say the dreaded C word - cancer. But I had something less deadly in mind.
Sure enough, after my abdominal surgery, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and all of my symptoms cleared up. I was only told about endo on my uterosacral ligament, and my peritoneal lining. In 2013, my second endo surgery, I was told that they had done extensive work on my intestines in 2006. In 2013, they also found ulcers or endo on the outside of my intestines and on both ovaries. The films are being sent to my GI for review, and I imagine my GI will want to stand in on the hysterectomy.
The heavy bleeding, severe pain and migraines started when I was 15. I was given multiple types of birth control. My journals from 2002, when I was 15, mention break-through bleeding, and the severe associated symptoms. Currently, I'm in a similar position. Currently, much like 2002 to 2006, the birth control helps control the heavy bleeding only. They can't stop my periods, the pain or the migraines. The symptoms are so severe, that they feel like a Crohn's flare, and I end up in the ER.
There's only one way to stop the uterine spasms. I'm meeting with my GYN next week to schedule my partial hysterectomy.
I didn't think I would be so emotional about the loss of my uterus. I don't have children, and I've decided not to have biological children - they'd have almost a 100% chance of inheriting an autoimmune disease. But I feel crushed. I feel like less of a woman. I feel like the weight is too much to bear. And no amount of logical reasoning can save me. I am, after all, losing the main organ that allows me to identify as a woman, and with it, my ability to have children. At thirty. It's been a long ten years, but nothing could've prepared me for this.
Much love to my endo and hyster sisters,
Alison
